


the truth is rarely pure and never simple

by ZozeeWrites



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - The Importance of Being Earnest Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 17:26:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19728331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZozeeWrites/pseuds/ZozeeWrites
Summary: dan is natural athlete, the top player on his college ice hockey team. no one knows that he is actually really smart and is transferred into the Honours Literature class. that is when he meets a literature nerd, phil, who just might be able to give his life a little more importance.





	the truth is rarely pure and never simple

“Mr. Howell, after reviewing your interim grades the university board has approved you to be placed in the Honours Literature class. All you have to do now is sign here.” Miss Glass slides a folder across the desk, where it lands in front of Dan.

“Thank you very much Miss Glass, but with my hockey scholarship I don’t think I will have enough time to do extra work, although I do appreciate you thinking that I am smart enough for an Honours class.” Dan rolls his eyes, he just wants to get out of this office and to the arena.

Miss Glass sighs and takes a sip of her tea before continuing,

“Mr. Howell, you do realize you have the top grades of your current Literature class right? Of course you may decline, but you would be making a grave mistake. Mr. Howell you have a lot of potential according to all your past professors. As for hockey, this class will not interfere with your sport any more than all your other classes. To be quite frank Mr. Howell, if you do not accept this placement I fear that you could be missing on many possible opportunities in your future. As the Chair of the Board, I highly recommend you reconsider.” She picks up the pen and hands it to Dan.

Dan fiddles with the pen. He refuses to believe that he is smart enough for an Honours class, but he knows Miss Glass is right, he’s seen his grades, he knows that he gets so bored in his current class because most of the students are still having trouble with theme statements. But an Honours class? That’s for the smart students, and Dan has never ever considered himself a smart student.

He is feeling quite pressured with Miss Glass staring at him. He looks down at the line, and just with impulse, he signs on the line.

What the heck, he thinks. It can’t hurt, can it? Miss Glass smiles at him when he looks up,

“Very well Mr. Howell, I assure you this is no mistake. You will be in Professor Wright’s class at nine tomorrow. And from the Board, we wish you all the best of luck in your endeavors.” She places the folder on a pile and Dan stands up to leave. He opens her office door and looks back,

“Thank you Miss, I hope I don’t disappoint.” And he rushes out of the administration building and heads back to his dorm.

***

Dan rushes around his dorm and gets all of his hockey equipment together. He throws his bag over his shoulder and grabs his stick on the way out. He runs across the campus, he can’t be late or else he could be benched next game. He picks up the pace when he glances at his watch and realizes he has ten minutes until he has to be on the ice, ready to go.

He reaches the dressing room, out of breath. His teammates don’t even notice him run in, except for Ken.

“Hey Howell, late again? What is it this time, a date with a hot chick?” Dan looks down and realizes he’s still in his school uniform, which is a blazer and tie. 

“I wish, but no, I was stuck at admin.” Dan strips and quickly gets changed.

“Admin? Buddy, your grades better not be falling or else coach is going to be pissed” Ken gives Dan a serious look.

Dan can’t help but smile, of course they all think he’s failing.

“I know, I know, don’t worry about it. I got everything under control” He pulls his skates on, he wishes he could tell his closest teammate what he was really doing at admin, but he knows no one would believe him, and to be honest, he doesn’t mind his reputation as the jock who doesn’t care about school.

***

After practice is over, Dan retires to his dorm. He is welcomed by the daily sight of his roommates. Lance and Manny are sitting on the couch watching some horror film. Dan smirks because they still think that he doesn’t know the true nature of their relationship… 

“Hey guys, what are you watching?” Dan asks as he passes the living room on the way to his bedroom. Lance snaps back into reality, distancing himself from Manny and says,

“Uh Paranormal Activity, how was practice?”

“Fine. Guess what though, I was at admin before practice. They’ve decided to place me in Honours lit. I guess they have to permit a few charity cases every year.” Dan shrugs.

“Honors literature? Wow, Dan, that’s, uh, not something I thought you would be interested in?” Manny looks at Dan inquisitively.

“Yeah I don’t know, I thought, why not try it out, ya know? Also Miss Glass wouldn’t let me leave her office until I signed, so I was basically forced.”

“Huh, well, have fun with that I guess? I know Tracy Gilligan is in that class, want me to text her so you at least have someone to sit with?” Lance pulls out his phone. Dan can already see him typing, that’s what he gets for having a social butterfly as one of his closest friends.

“Nah man it’s fine, I’m usually the lone wolf in all my classes anyways.” He knows Lance isn’t listening, but oh well. Dan smiles and enters his room. He puts his bag down and jumps onto his bed. He takes out his phone and is greeted by a message from his mum.

MUM: _So someone tells me you’re in Honours Literature? Ahh I’m so proud of you honey, my smarty-pants is making me proud :)_

Dan cringes, but deep down he’s smiling.

DAN: _Mum stop. Every single word in that text was embarrassing. And yeah I was just placed today. I don’t even want to know who told you. Was it Lance?_

He closes Whatsapp but barely a second letter she responded.

MUM: _It’s my job to be embarrassing sweetie. And oh no it was just a friend, she told me you were quite reluctant to sign. Of course, difficult as always, you really have not changed._

Dan sighs, of course his own mum is friends with Miss Glass. He expected no less of his socialite mum.

DAN: _Ha yeah sure. Anyways I got to go mum, lots of homework. Love ya._

His phone vibrates.

MUM: _Oh right, all of that Honours Literature homework! Get studying honeybun ;)_

Dan thinks he might gag, but he knows she’s just bugging him.

DAN: _Yeah don’t call me that ever again. Okay bye._

MUM: _Love you._

He closes the app for the second time but another notification comes through,

MUM: _Honeybun ;)_

Dan rolls his eyes but he’s smiling. He throws his phone onto the other side of his bed and closes his eyes. He is greeted by some long awaited sleep.

***

Dan wakes up with a start when his alarm clock beeps incessantly. He realizes he never got back up to change into something, and also do his night routine. He knows it’s odd, but he has a whole skin care routine, plus he loves to wear something more comfortable than his slacks to bed.

Oh well. Dan yawns and stretches his arm up above himself. He rolls out of bed and throws on a white button down t-shirt and a navy bomber jacket. He changes into his nice black jeans. 

He goes to the shared dorm kitchen to grab a coffee and a blueberry muffin. There he sees Lance, deep in thought, staring at his coffee.

“Hey Lance, uh you okay?” Dan places his own coffee down, and sits down.

“Hm? Yeah all’s good, just waiting for Manny to come down.” Lance hasn’t looked up.

“You two spend a lot of time together… I’m starting to feel like a third wheel!” He jokes. Of course Dan doesn’t mind at all their relationship, but that doesn’t stop him from bugging both of them about it. Lance’s eyes go wide and he turns to look at Dan,

“What? Oh sorry! You’ve just been so busy with hockey right? And we have like no one that wants to hang out with us! And we found out the other day that we both love horror movies so that’s all we’ve really been doing. You’re always welcome to join us!” He is speaking at a mile a minute. Dan just laughs.

“It’s not a big deal Lance, I'm just bugging you. No need to get your panties in a bunch.” He winks and stands up as he sees Manny walk up to them.

“G’morning Manny, I’ll let you guys have some time alone” He pats him on the back. Manny looks at Dan, confused and then back at Lance with a bit of fear in his eyes.

“Uh Dan there’s no need for you to leave, I uh just got here! Come on, we need to catch up with each other?” He splutters.

“Nah don’t worry man, my new Lit class is an hour earlier than my old class, I have to be there for 8:30. Forgive me, but you two enjoy your coffee together.” Dan laughs but decides not to make the conversation any more awkward and just walks away as Manny gawks at Lance.

Dan heads back to his room, grabs his backpack and makes his way to the Diana Lecture Theatre. 

***

When he arrives, he heads straight to the professor's desk, Professor Wright.

“Hello Professor, um, my name is Daniel Howell. I was just supposed to give you my transfer papers.” He smiles and hands her the envelope. She smiles back,

“Oh of course! Miss Glass sent me an email last night about your transfer! Well, welcome to the class, I am very excited to have you be a part of our class and for your participation in our discussions. You can call me Mrs. W, no need to be too formal.” She places the envelope into a drawer and gives Dan another smile.

Dan turns towards the room and tries to find a table to sit at. He finds Lance’s friend Tracy waving at him from the third row. She doesn’t have a seat beside her at her table, but there is one at the table beside her. He makes his way up to her and sits down.

“Hi Dan! Nice seeing you again, it’s been months! Probably ever since I went to my ex’s hockey party… Ugh, Duncan. Anyways! This is my bestie Joan! Joan, this is Dan! Lance’s roommate!” She smiles and the girl, who must be Joan, smiles and waves at Dan. 

“Nice to meet you! Oh, Phil!” She leans forward to look over at the boy who had been sitting beside Dan this whole time.

Dan takes in all his features. He has jet black hair with a fringe swept to one side. He has black square glasses that frame his blue eyes. He also has one hell of an infectious smile

“Hm? Oh hi! I’m Phil!” He smiles at Dan. “I guess we are table buddies? Beware I sometimes take up a lot of space but, uh, yeah don’t worry, just push my stuff over.” Dan smiles fondly, this guy is so awkward, kinda like how Dan was in high school.

“Nice to meet you Phil, don’t worry this desk will be empty most of the time… With my late practices and games I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to get up for such an early class. How do you do it everyday?”

“Oh just a lot of caramel macchiatos.” He attempts to wink but fails. Dan can’t help but laugh, this guy was just so… sweet? 

“Yeah? That’s probably because of all the sugar in that, how are you still alive man? I am more of a one milk one sugar kind of guy…” Dan winks, and succeeds unlike the other. Phil has his face all bunched up in disgust, which makes Dan laugh again.

Mrs. W turns on her microphone which stops Dan from laughing, but he is still smiling.

“So, for today’s lesson I want to ask you, what is the importance of identity when forming new relationships?”. 

At that moment Dan looks to Tracy and Joan, and back to Phil, and realizes that maybe he will be able to finally make some real meaningful relationships as himself and not his hockey persona. For the first time since he got to university, he feels like maybe he will be okay.

***

“Alright, so for the next two weeks we are going to be studying “ _The Importance of Being Earnest”_ by Oscar Wilde. This story is going to reinforce our discussion today about identity. This will be an out of class assignment that you will do in pairs and write a paper about the themes explored throughout the play. You all can choose who you work with or you may work alone, but the same amount of work will be required of course. This will be due on Monday, December 16th. The paper outline will be emailed to you all. I look forward to hearing what you all have to say!” Ms. Wright turns off her mic.

“Wanna be partners?” Phil asks, Dan looks to see who he was talking to. That’s when he realizes he was talking to him.

“Me? Oh, uh, sure. I’m kind of a terrible work partner, but if I’m your only option, then sure, I guess.” Dan shrugs.

“Come on I bet you’re not that bad. Plus I am a bit of a control freak so I don’t mind doing a lot of the work. But two heads are better than one, right?” He smiles brightly, and how could Dan say no to that?

“Okay, if you say so. I’m kinda dumb though, so I don’t have a lot of ideas to share.”

“Dan, don’t lie. I know that’s not true, I saw you keeping notes on your laptop.”

“What? No, that was me playing Fireboy and Lavagirl, what are you talking about?” Dan says with a straight face.

Phil bursts out into laughter. Dan smiles, this guy’s laugh is contagious.

“So you’re telling me you’re in an Honours Lit class and you’re not passionate about literature? Sounds kind of ironic, doesn’t it? What are you passionate about anyways?” Phil asks. He cocks his head to the side, intrigued by what Dan will say.

Dan takes in what his desk partner just said. What _is_ he passionate about? He never really thought about it. No one has ever asked him that before… They always just assume that hockey is his passion…

“Um, actually, I don’t really know what I’m passionate about?” Dan questions, mostly because he secretly hopes the boy in front of him could give him the answer to his new found crisis. Phil’s face falls, almost to a melancholic state.

“Oh,” He stares down at his notebook but soon snaps out of his sadness and back into his usual giddy mood. “Well then I will make it my mission to help you figure out what it is that excites you!” His eyes close as he smiles, Dan cannot help but slightly smile.

He has never believed in fate, but Dan cannot seem to explain how he was able to meet a guy like Phil. Dan doesn’t let his mind wander too far, because some things are meant to be left for later.

***

For the rest of the day Dan is riding on the high he got after meeting Phil. He can’t help but smile every time his phone rings with a notification. At the end of class they exchanged numbers, for project purposes of course, but as it turns out they both really like dog memes. So it’s been a constant back and forth throughout the day of who finds the best dog memes.

He is sitting in the library after school to get some last minute studying done before practice. Of course, his plan has been failing since now that both him and Phil are out of classes they haven’t stopped texting. A message comes through on Dan’s side.

PHIL: _I think we’ve found your passion……. You’re a dog meme connoisseur._

Dan audibly giggles, thanking the universe that his corner of the library was empty at the moment. 

DAN: _Ok cool so that means I can quit uni and hockey right? And then I’ll just live my truth as a dog meme instagram account._

PHIL: _Only if I’m allowed to run away with you and help co-run the account…_

Dan blushes at the statement even though he knows for a fact that it is just a harmless joke. He scolds himself for thinking that the message could mean anything but a joke.

DAN: _You really think we would make good business partners? We can’t even make good project partners!_

PHIL: _WHAT NO WE ARE GREAT PROJECT PARTNERS WE HAVE NOT BEEN SENDING DOG MEMES TO EACH OTHER WE HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING THE CONCEPT OF IDENTITY THIS WHOLE TIME!!!!!_

DAN: _Right of course, and my identity is…._

Before he presses send he finds a picture of a man with 20 corgis and attaches it to the message

PHIL: _AHAHAHA OK YOU WIN (WHY AM I STILL USING ALL CAPS)_

DAN: _idk but i heard serial killers overuse all caps so now i’m thinking you’re gonna kill me in my sleep_

PHIL: _oh really? Now danny boy, why would I ever be in your bedroom ;)_

Dan sputters at the emoji trailing the comment and tries to stay composed. It is just another joke… right? And what is he supposed to respond with? Should he respond with another joke or just ignore the comment entirely?

DAN: _never call me danny boy EVER AGAIN_

PHIL: _Now you’re the one using all caps….._

DAN: _plot twist i’m the serial killer_

PHIL: O _r maybe we are meant to be serial killer partners_

DAN: _that run a dog meme account_

PHIL: _Of course we have to lure in our victims somehow!_

Dan smiles and realizes how much he really does love texting Phil. He could do it for hours. That’s when he looks at the time on his phone and realizes he was supposed to leave ten minutes ago for a hockey game.

DAN: _omg i just realized the time. i gtg i have a game to get to or else my coach is going to kill me._

PHIL: _:( ok fine good luck! I would come and support you but sadly I have a book to read because my project partner is too lazy to read it…… whatever! See you tomorrow Dan_

A GIF of a french bulldog licking the camera comes through.

DAN: _thanks man, see you in class tomorrow. (i promise i’ll try getting through some of the book tonight)_

***

He hears the sound of skates carving the ice and sticks hitting other sticks. The lights are white and bright, and the whole world falls away. His body goes into autopilot, off and on the ice. Skate, pass, shoot. Repeat.

_Repeat._

_Repeat._

_Repeat._

His mind is blank but unlike every other time this happens, there is a small whisper in the corner of his brain. He cannot understand what the whisper is saying but it gets louder and louder every instant. He tries to push back the thoughts, he knows that he has been avoiding it for way to long.

He has been avoiding crisis after crisis, but after meeting Phil he realizes that he must reopen a crisis he thought he had stuffed away.

 _He likes Phil._

The minute the thought enters his brain he tries to push it back from where it came from, but the thought forces him to smile. He feels lighter and as he receives a pass from a teammate he wants to yell out his new revelation.

He smiles and is brought back into reality, where he meets the eyes of the goalie, and shoots the puck straight down the five-hole, scoring the overtime goal his team needed to win.

At that moment, he did not just win the game. He won a battle with himself.

***

PHIL: _I know you’re on the ice right now but want to meet up for coffee after? Celebratory or not…_

PHIL: _This is totally not me forcing you to help with the paper tonight…_

PHIL: _I also just want some cake_

PHIL: _Okay I’ll shut up now, hope you’re winning lmao_

Dan grins and sends him a quick response.

DAN: _we won! so celebratory coffee it is... meet you at starbucks on 82 ave in 20 minutes? beware i will be sweaty…_

“Are you sure you’re not hiding some hot chick from me Dan?” Ken gives him a side-eye as they both undo their skates.

“Hm? What no, that was just my, uh, mum.” He tucks his phone into the pocket of his coat that is hanging behind him.

“Okay whatever dude, do you want to go out for beers tonight? I think Kelly and Chris were saying they wanted to get hammered since we have tomorrow off.” 

Dan tries to think of an excuse on the spot.

“Oh man I would love that right now but my, uh, uncle is sick so I have to go over to their place to visit.” Dan hopes that it’s enough to get Ken off his back. 

“You can just tell me you have a date Howell,” He says sarcastically, and then he pats Dan on the back as he gets up to leave. “By the way, good job tonight, as per usual.” And then he walks out of the dressing room.

Dan just shakes his head and then he hears a small ding come from his coat.

PHIL: _See you then :D_

***

Dan runs his hand through his curly hair as he opens the door of the Starbucks. He glances around the room until his eyes land on the back of who must be Phil. He’s wearing a red shirt sleeve top with little white hearts all over it. Dan takes a deep breath and walks over to him. As he is in view of Phil’s face, he notices that he has pushed his hair up into a quiff and it makes Dan inhale a little bit more.

“Hey there stranger, I’ll be right back I need to get some calories.” He motions to the counter.

“Wait hold on, I was going to buy your drink, this is your celebration right? Also I may or may not have already ordered for you… One milk, one sugar right?”

“Oh, wow, thanks you really didn’t have to do that. I can afford my own caffeine addiction.” They both chuckle and Dan sits down. Only seconds later the barista calls out,

“Grande brewed coffee for Danny?”

Phil laughs as Dan gives him a death glare.

“I hate you.”

“You know you love me” Phil teases, but the comment throws Dan off and he stumbles while he stands up. He can feel the heat rising to his cheeks so he turns away.

“Uh- yeah right.” He takes quick strides over to the counter, while praying that Phil didn’t notice the change in his tone. He picks up the coffee and takes one deep breath before he turns back towards the boy waiting for him.

“Um, thanks again.” He sits back down. “I like the new hairstyle, you should style it like that more often.” Dan realizes what he just said and knows that he can’t take it back.

This time it’s Phil’s turn to blush.

“Oh, uh, thanks I guess the emo fringe is just a part of me so I haven’t been able to let it go just yet. My mum says the quiff makes me look more mature. Maybe one day I’ll be able to embrace it.” He adds a little nervous laugh at the end, which makes Dan smile fondly.

“I used to have the emo fringe too, ya know? But I just got really lazy once I started uni and stopped straightening it. Also with hockey it was just a pain because after sweating it would just get curly all over again.”

“Dan Howell was an emo? Wow you learn something new every day.”

“Oh stop emo-shaming me.” 

“I’m allowed to, I’m still an emo.”

“Oh right. Anyways, how’s this paper going? I totally haven’t even opened the book.” He glances at the opened notebook full of notes that Phil must have written already. 

“Well I finished reading the first act today and wrote down my first impressions. I was thinking we could both just write our first impressions of each chapter and then together we can do a deeper analysis?” 

Dan considers it for a second. This would mean he would get to see Phil more, instead of them just individually doing their own parts of the paper. Normally, Dan would want to work alone but Phil isn’t a normal project partner. He’s, well, Phil.

“Sounds great to me. I’ll try to have my impressions done by this weekend I guess? I don’t have any practices or games so I guess the universe is forcing me to do work for once. I mean I was going to read after my game but here we are.”

“Oh I forgot to ask you about your game! How did it go? I mean I know you won but like, what were the um highlights? I don’t exactly, uh, know that much about hockey but I would love to hear all about it and maybe learn something?” He tilts his head to the side, waiting for Dan’s in depth game replay.

“It was alright, just like any other game I guess? Nothing necessarily special happened.” He says this like he would even be able to remember what even happened during the game. Phil’s face seems to fall. 

“Oh, okay. Um, did you score? Or are you a defenseman?” He’s really trying to understand Dan’s world and Dan finds that quite endearing. This guy really is sweet, huh.

“Yeah I scored, twice. It’s really not that big of a deal though.” Dan feels a weight beginning to grow in his chest, he doesn’t really like talking about hockey outside of the arena, it’s just so boring.

“What? No that is a big deal! Didn’t you guys win 2-1? So you scored all the goals on your team? Wow I didn’t know you were like the start of the team Dan!” Phil’s eyes are bright with pride and wonder. Dan tries to ignore most of the comment, mostly for his ego’s sake.

“How did you know the score, I never told you? Someone was stalking me?”

“I may or may not have checked the final score on the school’s Twitter before you got here…” He looks down as if ashamed but he’s smiling.

“You should come to one of my games sometime,” Dan blurts out. “Or whatever,” 

“Really? Yeah I would love to come to a game, if you have to hear me ramble on about literature everyday it would only be right for me to come and watch you do what you love right?” He does that fond smile thing and Dan practically melts into his coffee. 

***

They keep chatting as the shop begins to empty, until finally a barista comes over and tells them that they will be closing in five minutes. They must have lost track of time, because the notebook Phil brought wasn’t opened once. Both of them stand up, waiting for the other to say something. A few awkward seconds pass until they both giggle and Phil speaks up.

“Well this was fun, not super productive, but fun. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”

“For sure, and yeah, this was fun. You’re a pretty cool guy I guess.”

“I don’t know about cool, but we definitely have a lot more in common than I would have guessed..” Phil picks up his books and they walk out the door.

Dan could offer to walk him home, but decides against it.

Next time, maybe.

“Bye Dan.” Phil smiles and turns to walk in the opposite direction. Dan watches him with a warm feeling in his chest. Finally, when Phil is out of sight, he turns around and begins the trek home.

***

“After reading this essay, what do you think is the idea that the author is trying to convey about artificial intelligence?” Ms. Wright asks the class. 

Dan watches as Phil pushes up his glasses and raises his hand. Phil had been quite interested in this essay. Dan loved the way that Phil’s face would scrunch up while they read the essay. He could almost see the cogs working in his mind.

“Yes Phil?”

“I think that the essay definitely raises the question of the human condition and how if we are evolutionarily challenged by our own creations and we no longer need to work, the individual would never feel satisfied.”

Dan thinks about this. On late nights he likes to think of his own humanity. H’s intrigued to know Phil’s perspective on life. 

“How so? Could you elaborate, because I am sure there are plenty of people who would say that life would be so much easier and therefore they would be happier, if work was no longer needed due to AI doing all the work for us.”

Phil smiles as if excited by the intellectual challenge. 

“Of course. Imagine if we lived in a society where we could just walk up to a depot and pick up whatever we want. Anything from groceries to luxury cars. Imagine if you could just walk in and take it. Everything was just made for us, no more need for work or currency. Yes to many this would seem like a perfect world. But really think about it. At least for myself, I know that just being given something does not give me the same satisfaction as if I worked hard to get that thing I desired. What would be the point of wanting anything at all? How would you even feel accomplishment or success without working? Maybe it is just me, but I believe that humans are inherently always on the search for satisfaction and without the drive or need to succeed, then where do we seek out that satisfaction?” Phil smiles and takes a deep breath.

Dan’s mind is reeling. What Phil just said, really hit him hard. He realizes he has been staring at Phil with deep interest. Phil turns and meets his eyes and just smiles with pride. Dan smiles back. 

“That is definitely a very important perspective of life, Phil. Does anyone else have anything to add or maybe refute?” 

Dan doesn’t even realize that he had put his hand up. Phil has a look of slight shock on his face.

“Daniel? I would love to hear from you.”

“Oh, um. I don’t really know about how I would feel in a world that Phil is describing but I do know that I can give an example of something in my life right now that could relate to this?”

“Of course, go on.” 

Dan looks around and sees all the students interested in what he has to say. 

“Well, um,sometimes I feel like I’ve been given a lot without working for it. I don’t want this to come off as arrogant, but just hear me out. I’ve been playing hockey since I was five years old. All my coaches since then have been impressed by my natural talent. I’ve never had to work hard to make it where I am today. I made the varsity team back in high school and now here I am on a full ride scholarship to play hockey. Yet I feel so unsatisfied, as Phil put it, because I’ve seen my teammates who would shoot one hundred pucks everyday as teenagers. They would come to practices exhausted from being up all night studying plays. And then I would just pull up and get on all the best teams. Kids would always tell me it was unfair that I didn’t have to work as hard. Back then I would tell them I was just lucky and it was too bad for them. But now I realize that I was never given the chance to feel that pain, that difficulty and that is why I don’t feel any sort of passion towards hockey.” Dan pauses and realizes that he has been rambling on for way too long. Not only that but he realizes that he had just made a discovery about himself. He looks over at Phil who was looking at him with that cute scrunched up face. Dan smiles weakly and looks back at the teacher.

“Wow Daniel, that was quite an example. It is always nice to hear diverse stories and experiences because we all know that we learn best through experience. Thank you for my sharing that and I hope that we can hear even more from you in this class. And I think that is a great place for us to end today. Have a great day.” 

Everyone starts to pack up their things, so do Dan and Phil.

“That was really well said Dan, especially for someone who claims to not be interested in this class.” He smirks and gives Dan a slight nudge,

“Okay maybe I have some things to say. Even though they were a little self absorbed..”

“Self-absorbed? No I think it’s awesome that you have a different experience than most people in this class. It will give a few of the stuck up people in our class a little bit of insight into your world.”

“Yeah, maybe.” They both zip up their bags and sling them over their shoulders. 

“See you later Dan.” Phil smiles and heads off to his next class.

*** 

The rest of the week slowly fits into a routine. Dan goes to classes, then out for coffee with Phil. He’s been late for a two practices but Dan played it off as school work. And when he gets home from practice he is up late reading and writing his points about _The Importance of Being Earnest._

And of course he’s been texting and facetiming Phil at every opportunity. They’ve pretty much scrapped their idea of meeting and discussing their first impressions because they’ve been just talking about it non-stop. Well, Phil has been. Dan is just been enjoying Phil droning on and on about what he thinks. Dan does put in his two cents once and awhile, but listening is so much more fun.

He has had lots of time to think too.

He has realized that every morning all he looks forward to is Literature and the after class coffees. Which is an improvement from before Phil. He didn’t even realize how dull and lost he was. He always thought his only purpose was just to be a hockey player and nothing but a hockey player.

But now he has Phil. Now he’s there to be a friend. He’s has something to live for and it’s new and exciting. 

Of course, Dan knows that hockey is why he is even at this university. He knows that without hockey he wouldn’t be anyone. But with Phil, he’s starting to realize that maybe he could change directions. Maybe, just maybe, he could do something with his newfound interest in literature and even philosophy…

And then there’s that spark. Dan has never felt what he feels towards Phil. This is all so new to him and he doesn’t know what to do about it. The paper is due on Monday and he just wants to enjoy the weekend because, in the back of his mind there’s a little voice telling him that what he has with Phil might not last. Maybe it’s just a one off because of this project.

That’s why he decides that he is going to take advantage of all the time he has with Phil, right now.

*** 

“Dan you wouldn’t believe what happened on the way today.” Phil rushes into Dan’s flat. “I was just walking down the sidewalk and guess what I saw?” He takes a sip of the caramel macchiato that Dan already had waiting for him.

“Let me guess, it was another crazy lady that barked at you or something like that.” He laughs.

“No! It was the cutest corgi I had ever seen! It had such a fluffy butt and I just wanted to pick it up and take it with me. Instead I just took a really creepy picture because I just had to show you!” He smiles and scurries to find the picture on his phone. He points the screen towards Dan.

“Oh my god Phil that is the cutest corgi ever. Such a good boy. You know he kind of looks like you? Blue eyes and-“ Dan smirks, if he was brave enough he might have made a comment about the corgi’s butt too. 

“It’s an insult to this good boy to say I could even compare to him! Sorry, I just needed you to see him because maybe one day we can get-“ Blood rushes to Phil’s cheeks and Dan just giggles.

“Yes, we will definitely get a corgi exactly like this when we start our careers as professional dog meme curators” They both laugh it off.

But deep down Dan feels all warm and fuzzy. Phil wants a future together, even if maybe it as just friends or maybe… roommates? But is makes him feel like maybe this isn’t the end, maybe there are many coffee’s still to come.

“So! We are almost done with the paper, I think we just need a bit of work on one more point? Just so we can impress her? Got any ideas? I feel like this was mostly done by me.Sorry, I did say I was a control freak.” Phil pulls out his laptop.

Dan thinks about it, and then all of a sudden he’s speaking, The words just flow out from his heart and then out his mouth.

“I did have something actually. Um, this is kind of deep. But I was thinking about it. I think I can relate to Jack. He’s just trying to impress two completely different groups right? So he creates these two identities in order to satisfy both groups and therefore fit in. That’s pretty obvious. I was thinking we could add an analogy?” Dan looks at Phil, as if asking for permission to continue. Phil nods with interest.

“Well I think it would be kind of different if we talked about the different identities we even put on at school. Especially for someone like me? I think over the last week since I’ve been put in this Honours class, and met you, I have been able to realize that I do have two separate identities. At hockey I am way more serious but also I act like everyone else does. I go to the bar and get hammered with my ‘buddies’. I dress to impress girls. Because that’s just what is expected. But with you,” Dan’s voice falters for a tenth of a second. 

“With you, I can be myself.” He pauses when he realizes that he’s crying. Phil scoots closer to Dan on the sofa. He places his hand on Dan’s shoulder, to show him that he cares. That only makes Dan cry even more.

“Phil, with you I’ve been able to discover who I am. I always thought I was just a jock who was put on this earth to play hockey and be good at it. But with you I’ve realized that I’m so much more than that.” Phil uses the sleeve of his sweater to wipe the tears off of Dan’s face. Dan blushes when he realizes how close they are. He retracts and turns away. “Oh, fuck, I didn’t mean for this to happen. Sorry Phil, you shouldn’t see me like this. I don’t know what’s happening.”

Phil slowly reaches out to pull Dan back towards him.

“No Dan please, continue.” It comes out as almost a whisper. Dan decides impulsively, that fuck it, he’s going to tell him.

“Phil, you’ve shown me that I’m here because of you. I’m on this earth because I’m supposed to be with you. Because I’ve never felt like this towards anyone. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I never believed in soulmates, but with you maybe I can. Our identities are intertwined and you have shown me the importance of being Dan, not Howell the hockey player, but Dan. The kid who has had to hide his interests in literature in order to fit in. And that’s pretty wonderful isn’t it?” Dan searches Phil’s wet eyes. They are both crying and Dan watches as Phil’s eyes flick down to Dan’s lips.

“That- That was beautiful Dan. I- I don’t even know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything.” And Dan leans in as their lips connect and disconnect. Dan falls into Phil’s chest as they both close their eyes and smile to soak in the moment.

“Yeah let’s definitely add that to the paper.” Phil says softly and they both laugh.

In that moment, Dan just lets all his thoughts drift away and just let himself melt into Phil. He is going to be okay. 

***

The next day, they hand in the paper. When they sit down in the lecture theatre they both have foolish smiles on their faces, which leaves room for Tracy and Joan to make comments about their new status.

Throughout the class, they hold hands underneath the table. Dan is the happiest he has ever been. He doesn’t want this to end.

Ms. Wright finishes the class.

“Phil,” Dan whines. “What if I tell coach I’m sick and can’t make it to the game tonight so we can hang out?”

“No.”

“What do you mean no? I thought you liked me..” They both smile.

“I just think you should go to your game! Your team needs you!”

“And you don’t?”

“I think I’ll survive one night, Dan. I’m a big boy.”

“Yes you are.” Dan winks and Phil just rolls his eyes. “And fine, only because you say I should.” He leans in a gives Phil a peck on the cheek.

“I’ll see you after classes, don’t miss me too much!” Phil smiles and they go their separate ways.

*** 

That night Dan is gearing up for his game. Phil sends him a quick text,

PHIL: _Good luck score some baskets ;)_

Dan chuckles under his breath.

The guys are talking about some sort of baseball bet but Dan’s mind is somewhere else. Ken pats Dan on the shoulder,

“Head in the clouds again? When are you going to introduce me to this girl Dan?”

Dan wants to just brush it off but for some reason he has a burst of confidence or maybe just carelessness for what Ken thinks.

“Fine if it’ll get you off my back. His name’s Phil by the way.” Dan looks down and goes to grab a skate. He is smiling but his heart is also racing.

“Oh… Really? I mean I’m cool with it but, like I didn’t know, or- uh I wouldn’t have- what I’m trying to say is cool, and, yeah I wanna meet him.” Ken’s face is red with embarrassment which just makes Dan laugh. But he also feels soft inside, he wasn’t exactly sure how Ken would react but at least he’s cool with it.

“Thanks man, it means a lot.” They both finish tying their skates, they put their helmets on and head onto the ice.

***

The game ends 3-2, Dan scored the winning goal in overtime.

Dan checks his phone, nothing from Phil. This is odd, usually Phil is at home keeping up with the scores on Twitter. Dan realizes that maybe Phil actually does have a life outside of Dan so he mentally forgives him.

Dan walks into the lobby with Ken. They are chatting about the crazy schedule for the next month that their coach just handed out.

“Dan! You did great!” Dan jumps when all of a sudden Phil is at his side.

“Phil! What are you doing here?”

“I came to watch your game obviously, why else would I be at an ice rink?” He nudges Dan, being cautious of the touching. Dan can’t stop smiling, he didn’t expect this at all. He is so genuinely happy that he forgets to say anything and is just looking fondly at Phil. 

Ken reaches from the other side of Dan.

“I’m Kenneth Jenkins by the way, but I just go by Ken.” Ken shakes hands with Phil. Dan remembers to speak.

“Oh right, Phil, this is Ken. And Ken, this is my boyfriend, Phil.” Dan pauses, realizing what he just said. Phil’s eyes had gone wide.

“Nice to meet you Phil, don’t steal Dan away too much or else us jocks might start to feel left out.” Ken jokes, Phil’s expression going from shocked back to kind.

“I’ll try.” Phil laughs.

“Well I’ll leave you two alone.” He nudges Dan and winks. He walks over to where a group of the guys are standing.

“So…” Phil leans in closer to Dan, “Boyfriends?” He just giggles. Dan pulls Phil into a hug.

“Yeah, boyfriends.” Dan doesn’t care about anyone else around them because in that moment, both his worlds of the last week have collided. And he couldn’t be happier about it. He squeezes Phil and they pull apart and they walk outside, ready to take on the world, together.

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! thanks so much for reading!! this was my first time participating in any sort of fic challenge and it was a so much fun :) thanks to @rk-spidey on tumblr for being my beta! also go check out the art that inspired this work by @drawingdawnart on tumblr!!! (also find me on tumblr @mukbangphillie)


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